Bread Sauce

Another brief one, there’s little to write about today. Another bad day, although nowhere near as bad as yesterday. Have been able to chew 1 piece of gum all day, which is good in a sense as it’s forcing me to lose the chemical dependency but bad because I’m struck with worse withdrawal than I had before.

Also, possibly unrelated but ironic nonetheless - I’ve developed a bad cough. Probably from all that toxic smoke I’m no longer inhaling! My body confuses me!

This will be brief, as I need sleep desperately.

Today was worse than the first day. I haven’t relapsed, but all the psych symptoms I mentioned in my first related entry? They came back today, at ten times the strength. A lot of this I believe is partly due to extraneous factors, and so this is the first time since stopping that I’ve seen smoking as a crutch I no longer have. To make matters worse, I seem to be developing a toothache, which means I’ve been forced to cut down on the medicated gum for the time being.

Anyway, hoping that a good night’s rest will set my brain right again, and that I’ll go back to having good smoke-free days. I’ll keep you posted.

Night all,
Steve

3…2…1…YES!

Just hit the 72 hour mark! Feeling absolutely fantastic about it too! This morning I haven’t even had to have any gum yet! Mornings are the roughest part of the day by the way. I think when I first wake up that’s the strongest craving, but even that’s becoming manageable!

P.S.: To dispel a myth - I haven’t found myself eating any more than usual and thus have not yet gained any weight. I’m not starving myself or anything, but I just wanted to point out that stopping smoking hasn’t increased my appetite!

That’s all from me for now, take care! :)

ragc3ragc3ragc3 asked: aaah good luck with quitting! i have been smoking for about 2.5 years and i want to quit but at the same time i have no desire to do so. i'm gonna try this summer, and i'm following you because based on your first post i think you will serve as some good inspiration.
good luck :) :) :) :)

Heya! Thanks for the words of encouragement! Now I have some of my own - until yesterday, I had no desire to quit either. In fact, I was out of cigs, and was heading to the store to restock but I passed a pharmacy beforehand. I just decided there and then “I’m done smoking”.

I’m not saying you should just quit on a whim like I did, as these things are completely different from person to person. What I am saying is that the decision is very simple and quick to make. It’s just sticking with it that’s the tricky part!

Also, I’m following you back based on the fact that a lot of your posts have made me laugh! :D

Thanks for the message
Steve

Wow. WOW! What a shift, what a change in mood! After a rocky start, today was a big boost in confidence and a step in the right direction!

I’m not saying I’ve been cured overnight. The temptation to smoke is most definitely still there. But whereas yesterday it was an all-pervasive sensation - like needing a drink of water after taking a bite out of a hot chilli - today it’s more of a passing thought, kind of like watching an advert for your favourite junk food and wanting a quick taste.

I’m pleased to report that most of the physical symptoms have gone, although I still work up a sweat a lot quicker than I used to (odd, considering my body has now gone over 36 hours without the poison I used to pump into it). The psych symptoms are still there (dark moods, irritability etc.) but they’re a lot less frequent already. Long story short I was able to work a 6 hour shift in a hotel bar on a Friday night without completely losing my rag!

I don’t think I’m over the worst of it. I’m keeping myself in the mindset that this was just a rare good day, so as not to feel disappointed when it’s not this easy in the future. One more positive though, I haven’t chewed through as much gum as I did on my first day which just goes to show my actual nicotine dependence decreased somewhat today!

Before I go, a quick shout-out to my new follower Sidnesss - I hope that I can provide some inspiration for when you decide to quit!

Cigarettes, fags, cancer sticks, death twigs… whatever you wanna call them, I’ve stopped smoking them today. As I’m writing this I’m almost 10 hours clean. It may not seem like much but let me assure you, it’s not infamous for being crazy addictive for no reason!

I’ve been a smoker for just over 3 years now, and have been thinking about stopping for some time. I’ve tried self-help books, and I’ve tried going cold turkey but to no avail. This time, I’m trying nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) in the form of 2mg gum.

The first 6 or so hours were fine. I’ve had times in the past where I wasn’t allowed to smoke for around that long anyway, and I’d gotten through those okay. The real trouble started around the 8 hour mark…

Initially it just starts with feeling uncomfortable. I was hot and clammy despite it not being that warm. I was itchy and irritable, and while I naturally get tremors in my hands the ones I experienced tonight were twice as bad as normal. Then there’s the psychological symptoms.

Everytime I stepped outside my head would start pounding. See, I only got started after the indoor ban came into place, and thus I have never smoked indoors. My body is accustomed to outside equating fag time. I’ve also found myself withdrawing into myself - becoming even more apologetic than usual, feeling down as all hell, and at times thinking some very dark thoughts.

But I’m soldiering on. No sense in whining about it. I just thought it’d be interesting (and cathartic) to share my first-hand experience in what a body goes through during withdrawal. Also, point of fact - the longest I’ve gone without smoking in the past is 10 days. The average quitter stops getting withdrawal symptoms at around the same time. Follow me on my journey through stopping the worst thing i ever started doing!

There’s someone out there I like a great deal. I have had a huge crush (for lack of a better term) on this person for over a year now, her feelings for me are at best ‘confused’. At this stage, I am not sure if, nor do I care that she will probably never feel the same way about me as I do for her.

Recently, she has been feeling worthless, unloved and unsure of herself. Tonight she told me she thought she was no good for anyone.

In response, I told her the following:

“At the risk of repeating myself, you are the single most wonderful person I know in every aspect. And I say that purely as a friend, nothing more. And I mean it sincerely!”

To which she replied that she wished she felt like it:

“And I wish I could make you feel it! I wish I could place you in front of a mirror and show you how beautiful I see you to be. I wish I could take you and your artwork to a studio and watch as an agent or curator or editor signs you on the spot because they see the same talent I see. I wish I could save these conversations and show them to you in a years time and see you laugh at your own jokes the way I do. I don’t care if any of this sounds cheesy by the way. It’s true either way!

Most of all, I hope you find someone who appreciates you as much as I do, but who has everything you’re looking for. Someone who takes you away from here and shows you the world’s a lot better than you think it is! And I hope it happens soon because I can’t stand to see you unhappy!”

If one thing I say in my whole life makes any difference, I hope it was that.